The Mosaic Employee Satisfaction Survey

Dear Valued Employee #6255486,

A primary driver for efficiency within the Mosaic Corporation is happiness, as we are sure you’ve experienced throughout your time here at Mosaic Corporation. Our internal auditors and researchers have collaboratively produced a tool that helps us quantify happiness into a pavlovian set of needs and wants, which in turn have been reformatted into an empowering product for internal use! The Employee Satisfaction Survey™ is the distilled understanding of Happiness, refined and formatted to align with Mosaic Corporations Pillars of Productivity!

Please enjoy the survey, and know that you are a valuable and seen asset of the Mosaic Corporation.

Take the Survey
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After you have finished your survey, we have prepared the beginning of a series of mindful productivity videos to help empower and strengthen you as a valuable employee. The data is clear, assets that partake in the mindfulness exercise videos have an increased task completion speed of 1.86%, and the subjects minds tend to further hone in on how to fulfil the needs of the corporation. Subjects are also shown to feel less of an attachment to family and friends, and view interpersonal relations as unfruitful/unnecessary or frightening. By inducing dissociation from an individuals goals, emotions and dreams, as well as formulating human touch as an antithesis to the productivity needs of the workplace, we feel quite sure that we can achieve the mindfulness goals set by the management. Indeed, for every experiment our initial hypothesis (centered around the writings of Mindfulness Expert Emil Cioran) rings more true; “We are so lonely in life that we must ask ourselves if the loneliness of dying is not a symbol of our human existence.” So far the Karoshi rates seem to have stabilized, with no statistically certain fluctuatio And remember; You are seen. You are heard. Your Task Completion Rate Matters. Together we will continue our work towards happiness, a better world and a perfect allocation of resources to further empower you, me and the world around us. Byte by byte!

Now take a moment to watch  Mosaic: Acension – A Mindfulness Video from Mosaic Corp:

Mosaic: Ascension Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_NzUToDKe8 

With Love, Freedom and Productivity
Your Manager

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